The ability to shed a tear in behalf of someone else is growing rare these days, but probably among the key characteristics of true greatness. The degree to which we maintain or increase our sensitivity is a deciding factor to real influence.
Every so often all of us encounter people who appear arrogant and somehow insensitive. Without exception we also find they have limited positive energy. Positive energy can only grow if we grow in our ability to feel for others. Please consider the illustration below. Influence comes with energy, but energy is irrevocably linked to the degree of sensitivity. If we're unable to sense the feelings of others, we'll never reach higher than the first level of energy. Unfortunately we find a lot of professionals able to excite others, but it very seldom goes beyond that point. Why? Because they are consumed with self.
If we want to reach other people we need to exert strength and attention beyond our own world of concern. In other words, we need to put ourselves in the shoes of others. The popular term for it is empathy, but empathy is limited by the word itself. In the diagram we can see how empathy ("others") is but half way. If we want to reach energation and really strong commitment in others we need to move beyond empathy and become one with the shared reality around us - "external perception". This is when we tune in to outside impressions that allows us to become emotionally involved and mutually affected.
What do we do if the other person has feelings and has gone through hardships beyond what we ourselves have experienced? Is it possible to understand and empathize, when this is the case? The answer is "YES". If we do what is required to reach higher energy levels, we'll also be able to understand pain we didn't suffer ourselves. It's true! and it makes life richer to live. However, most of us are unwilling to do so because it causes us to share the distress of others. It hurts.
So what does this have to do with selling? Everything! Most sales people make their sales on the first level (see diagram). They'll get commitments and sign contracts based on passionate behavior, but the sale doesn't mean anything to them more than getting their paycheck and bonus. Just take one minute - think through all the contracts you signed with clients. Which ones do you remember? Which of them leaves you with positive feelings? If there are any, it will be those where you engaged yourself on the personal side and received reciprocally - the same feelings were exchanged. You built a relationship. You reached stronger commitments and harnessed greater value.
When we consider the balance between energy and sensitivity a lot of questions are answered and the sale becomes easier and more enjoyable. We practice SBP = SPP ;-)
Last Saturday I spoke to a large gathering of people in the financial sector. The place was packed. I was impressed by how they returned my vibes. The room was truly filled with some unspoken energy. It was visible in the eyes of each one. Everyone could sense it. Don't you love it when a crowd carries you through a keynote session like that?
By the end I had people asking me about specific cases in which they would like to apply the 3 Energies (3E). They experienced what I call a Born Buying Desire (BBD). It happens when our inside passion is triggered - when mind and heart begins to run in sync - when energy and sensitivity are both increasing and in balance. These are the first fruits of passion and are critical elements for any public speaker to be aware of. However, the BBD is but the first step and only the beginning.
To me it's always disappointing to see how most speakers are satisfied with just the Born Buying Desire (BBD). When they're in front of their listeners and get some kind of enthusiastic response, they feel they've achieved their objective. How long do you think that feeling lasts inside them? Do you want me to tell you?
The Born Buying Desire is not the object nor the end. Why? BBD has no lasting effect unless an individual commitment is tied to it. In my experience the BBD pretty much follows normal retention rates, i.e. it depends on how much you've encouraged participation. This means that a good keynote is both forgotten and has lost its emotions within an hour, regardless of how much energy was exchanged. What's left is not enough to inspire action, unless a commitment is made while the mind and feeling is still there.
Here's what we need: No public speaker should ever leave their listeners without challenging each individual participant to some kind of specific action related to the subject. Ideally, we should establish Subjective Linkage (SL) and Emotional Commitment (EC), but unfortunately few know how to do so. Why is that? Because most speakers are not responsible for the follow up and results of what they started.
No sale nor change in behavior occurs without follow up on the BBD level. Next time you're in charge of a keynote session, always ask beforehand how it will be followed up, to make sure you indeed will influence your students, not merely generate a temporary desire.
I rest my case ;-)
I just did another training session with a bunch of great sales people in Voss yesterday. One focus during this session was customer commitment, often referred to as 'the advance'. Complex sales typically have longer sales cycles, and what mostly suffers is how the client is not challenged to help advance the sale from visit to visit. If only the sales person is committed, then no real progression is made and a lot of time is wasted. Eventually the case is lost.
Here's a summary on how we help someone commit - be it a client, a colleague, friend or family member:
- Never EVER enter a call without deciding beforehand what you want the person to do (both a maximum and an alternative minimum commitment).
- Make sure the challenge is something that requires specific action.
- Adjust your planned commitment if the conversation indicates you should.
- Always focus the initial effort on nurturing a Born Buying Desire (BBD) through passion.
- Are you convinced yourself?
- Is your message important to the other person? Why? How do you know?
- When positive vibes have become the main carrier of information exchange seek to establish Subjective Linkage (SL) through connection
- Can you get the other person one-on-one, then do so!
- Involve the other person in problem solving through the optimal dialog. Go for the Emotional Commitment (EC) when feelings are mutual.
- Help the other person commit to a deadline.
- Do not leave until you have received a firm commitment. If he or she will not commit, find out why?
The model in one of my previous blog posts illustrates how these steps are linked to our level of energy and sensitivity.
In short, here's a summary: Decide on a commitment, trigger a desire, connect and find out the agenda, make it emotional and end with a challenge. When we do it this way, we're affected positively ourselves also and both parties are happy. It becomes an uplifting experience that inspires action.
The highest level and strongest way in which we tie someone to a promise is Emotional Commitment (EC), the result of energation. Most of the time, people instantly think they understand and therefore perceive this as being "fairly straightforward", and I wish it would be! However, to get this kind of dedicated promise from someone we need to understand energation - the means by which we reach this level of dedication in others.
Emotional Commitment (EC) doesn't just happen by chance - it needs energation as its "engine" to drive it forward. Energation itself hinges on two basic capacities:
- Sensitivity
- Energy
To be specific, this means:
- how sensitive we are a) to self, b) to others and c) to external impressions
- the energy driving a) our behaviour, b) our relationships and c) revealed problem solving
When sensitivity and energy are balanced we move communication in the direction of energation, or rather, we "energate". This means we move the dialog, balancing energy and sensitivity, in a growing degree of mutual dedication through three levels:
The first level of (customer) dedication is the Born Buying Desire (BBD). The second level of (customer) dedication is the Subjective Linkage (SL). The third level of (customer) dedication is the Emotional Commitment (EC).
Today I'd like to share a quick story to illustrate how BBD and SL precede Emotional Commitment (EC), which is the third and crowning fruit of energation:
I was once involved in providing a major ERP solution to an industrial corporation. They had accepted my invitation to come visit and present what we had to offer (a BBD had been triggered). As the meeting progressed we began to discuss and share how several of the key people in the project were heavily affected by weaknesses in the current information systems. They spent way too much time at the office and were unable to put work behind them when they came home. Their family life was suffering and many other personal matters were also put out in the open (SL was beginning to take effect). At this point we moved into a discussion of how the new solutions should be applied to solve these problems. A stack of suggestions triggered new thinking and ideas from the client that even I had never thought about or seen as possible. These discoveries on the client side caused ownership to grow minute by minute. At the end I was asked to fulfill a number of commitments and any action I needed from them was eagerly accepted. It had become their project and in their interest more than mine (EC).
The Emotional Commitment is where follow up is turned around. Before we get to follow up the customer by the specified deadlines, the customer calls us to make sure we're doing what we're supposed to, making sure we stay on a steady course to contract and delivery. This is what we want! It's commitment on an emotional level.
Finally, a warning. Whenever energy and sensitivity is not balanced, i.e. when either energy or sensitivity is too high or too low, negative energy immediately surfaces. The outward expression or evidence of this is some kind of rejection - what I call "malfunctioning dialog". For a visual illustration of this absolutely critical balance see the diagram below, taken from "The 3 Energies Behind Sales Success".
One of the three most powerful ways in which we can influence others is by linking our product or service to a) the individual purpose or agenda, b) the values and/or c) the deepest desires of the decision maker and stakeholders (in an account). In 3E we've called this "Subjective Linkage". If you're in sales you've probably heard it all before. However, if you study the details of advice given to this challenging - very difficult - task, there is ALWAYS little substance to it. Why? Very few people actually do this!
It's so interesting, you know... The last 30 years of research within sales, influence and psychology has pretty much pointed out everything needed to win contracts - BUT - when asked HOW, the answers get very long and blurry. Right here in this blog post I'm going to give you a clear solution to the task just mentioned in bold print above. Then, if you've really tried this in real life you know how hard it is, and you'll also appreciate my specific reply. (If you're not emotionally touched after reading this blog, then you've probably never struggled with Subjective Linkage in the first place). Let me illustrate with a personal experience:
Not long ago my son and daughter were in some kind of quarrel. I heard one of them screaming from downstairs, clearly as a result of some physical contact. I immediately called for the eldest. When she came up she may have expected me to hold her responsible for whatever the problem was. In stead I asked her, with a friendly smile on my face: "So what's he doing this time (surrendering my complete trust in her agenda, values and sincere desires for good)!" Instantly she looked relieved and had an emotional outburst revealing her inner feelings and frustrations. (If I had scolded her, she would have remained without an open display of feelings.) What came out was of course her "complete innocence", and also how she had honestly tried to solve the bickering how she thought it should be done. I followed up with a hug and a few tears in their behalf, telling her how I too make mistakes as a husband and father. There was no longer any risk in sharing true feelings - bitterness quickly began to dissolve. Then I called for our son to come upstairs, too. I left them speaking alone and soon the problem was solved and forgotten.
This is a practical example of Subjective Linkage - both between my daughter and me, and between my two children.
Here's what needs to be done: When we meet with people, our main purpose should always be to make a real and worthwhile connection. The other person is ALWAYS what's most valuable at any given time! The connection is the highest and greatest compliment we can possibly give. This can be done in many ways, but regardless of how, we need to get personal. The only way to be personal is to at some point or another reveal how we're human and vulnerable and to invite others to do the same.
I deeply believe that each of us has the quality to find for ourselves how this can be done best. This is why 3E focuses on the principles of a connection giving guidance to how we use our personal talent and abilities to make it. The key issue is, once you've established a connection, it's possible to tap into the personal life and agenda of others and it becomes natural to do so. THEN we can establish Subjective Linkage.
I'm hardly able to express how great it feels to "have mother nature on our side" when selling (see blog post 21st of Dec). It's possible, just like a sailboat, to maneuver by such means that the wind is always blowing our way. Want to know how?
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When we talk about rejection, most advisers in sales will talk about perseverance, patience, hard work, resolving concerns, self esteem and/or goal setting. Sometimes they'll point out that it's not personal and rejection should be received in the same impersonal way. That's probably all good, but again, even though these are important - in sum - what matters is energy. Let me explain:
Every form of rejection is by nature negative energy. Negative energy simply doesn't feel good. It gives us a sense of discomfort and tries to penetrate and produce emotions of pain or being unwanted. What we need to understand is; there's always something in combination with perception that triggers that negative energy. The tricky thing is - most of us don't have the eyes to see what or how, and when we don't our natural response is to block out this undesired response. Ironically, this only increases negative energy AND keeps us from discovering what caused it, or rather, what the source behind it was.
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The fact that it feels good shows you it's personal. It's evidence that it is. Don't let anyone tell you business is not personal. If you're really in sales you know what rejection feels like. If you're really in sales the dislike for rejection is in your system. If you're really in sales you'll want to know how this is possible!
We've now posted a webcast introducing the source of "the 3 Energies" - how dialog (O®O) is linked to energy (3E). This is the result of 7 years of research. Watch it now!
When releasing the 3 Energies on Thursday end of October next year we're finally and officially launching the concept of "energation", too. It's something I've been looking forward to for a very long time.
From a simplified perspective energation is the combination of communication and energy - almost "energetic communication", if you will. But it's so much more than this. Research preceding this new word has suggested the following official definition - and it's taken 4 years to agree on this very "pregnant" summary:
To interact closely through passion, connection and innovation, reaching understanding and commitment beyond natural ability.
Of course it's hard to explain the full meaning of energation in a brief blog post like this, but here's what I'd like to point out as a bare minimum; energation reaches others on a higher level. (In fact, on a "third level", but that's an entirely different discussion). Energation makes it possible "to be sold" in stead of having to sell. How would you like to position yourself by communicating in such a way that your customer is asking for your help? This is the essence of energation. It leverages three specific fruits:
- Born Buying Desire (BBD)
- Subjective Linkage (SL)
- Emotional Commitment (EC)
I'll have to say more about these three elements at a later stage, I guess. The main thing is; in sum energation results in three fruits representing the solution to "all" those typical problems sales people so often struggle with today; finding new prospects, spending time and strength on the right opportunities, too long sales cycles because their unable to close the business, quote and win stretch business*, accurate predictions about pipeline probability and building faithful client relationships, to just name a very few.
Can you see why I'm so excited about finally getting the 3 Energies to market?! There's so much in basic core sales that needs solid clarification. Now it's all coming folks ;-)
* Contracts of significantly bigger size than what has been closed in the past.
Do you ever find that some people are hard to connect with? Sure you do. Everybody does!
Most of us are sensitive in this respect. If there's someone we don't get along with, even though we might not admit to it, we spend a lot of our strength on trying to figure out why.
If your relationship with another person is "in minus", it doesn't really matter what you say - any statement will be perceived negatively by default. Why? Because communication is a function of feelings. That's what I mean by the word 'connection'. Thus, the number one thing to do, regardless of what the circumstances might be, is to approach the challenge from the angle of feelings, and not with words. It's how people feel about each other that carries all communicates between them. In other words, what we say is colored and influenced through an "emotional filter".
When it comes to customers, clients and partners, even though we might think it's purely business, there's really no such thing. Even the most "rational" people are feelings only. They might try to separate emotions and logical reason, but in the end of the day, a relationship remains sensitive by how we feel about the other. That's why, from a practical perspective, at any given time we need to give the highest priority to actions that touch people on a personal emotional level e.g.:
- expressing confidence and faith in others
- being kind and polite in small and simple every-day matters
- showing empathy and care
- complimenting others whenever there's an opportunity to do so
- being ourselves (not something we're not) and relaxed
- sincerely apologizing when we falter
- never speaking ill of others
- refraining from irony
- being quick to laughter and slow to criticism
The list could be much longer. What we should remember, is; it's not the behavior listed per se, but rather the indirect result that makes the biggest difference - improved communication through an emotional and personal connection. A real connection!
I've been in business and sales long enough to understand that individual contracts, in the long run, are worthless. What matters is our connection to others. That's what remains - a personal relationship is the long term result of any sale made.
When, during sales training, I tell people that relationships are on a personal level only, sometimes I get these faces that apparently have an aha experience. That's interesting, I think. Does anyone ever think that a relationship is built with an entire customer account? Do we build relationships company to company? Of course we don't. Relationships are one-on-one only. Hence, one-on-one is the single most important way to do your sales. It's beautiful. We concentrate our entire energy and focus on one person only. Do you know what an amazing compliment that is?! In fact, it's that one thing we as people really need; one person's undivided attention.
One of the most depressing statistics "out there" today is the constantly reduced one-on-one time in the family. Father and son, father and daughter, mother and daughter, mother and son. This regular time together is desperately needed. In every respect, every role we fill, it is absolutely key that we remember the value of one-on-one time. It's even superfluous to call it quality time, because (almost) by default one-on-one is the "best time". I often visit my children when they go to bed. At that time I hardly need to say a word. They'll do most of the talking. (Probably because they don't want to sleep, yet... ;-) There's so much to tell. I wouldn't give that time to anyone else. It's theirs, and because it theirs, it's mine. It's ours to keep for always.
From me to you: It's great to spend our time with friends and friends many, but in the end, friendship is just you and me. It's that special trust that can only be built one person at a time. Go one-on-one!
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