With very few exceptions, successful people are 100% dependent on others for what they seek to accomplish. Unfortunately, most people still think of selling as a one-man show. Nothing could be further from the truth.

A true win is a win-win. Everybody knows that by now. "Win-win" has almost become an outdated hype - a worn out buzz word. However, successful people not only help others succeed through win-win, but they also establish a powerful connection with individuals, which has great value by itself. How do we build such relationships? (Remember, we're not talking about superficial friendships, but emotional and mutually meaningful bonding strength.)

A small but important part of succeeding with others is proactive networking. Effective networking involves five key principles. Each of them is possible to execute in simple actions as listed:

Please note how each principle has a specific action listed (as an example) that illustrates how it's possible to execute in real life.

One tool only

With today's technological tools it's easy to end up using several platforms and utilities to maintain contact details of key people. If we want to make tools effectively serve us and not the other way around, then we need to consolidate and make them work seamlessly together or eliminate those who cannot be integrated. With contact details in more than one place we allow technology to set limits to how many people we can reach, especially long term.

Care about all

Always remember that key people are mostly found in surprising positions. Top executives are important through the role they fill, but we've found that they're seldom the most valuable contacts long term; when they lose their position they sometimes completely lose their "value" - at least through the eyes of a cynic.

Always remember that our basic perception of people shines through no matter what we say or do. If we truly care about people because people have value in themselves, then that's the energy and message that radiates from us. That's what our surroundings pick up and sense. We simply need to be authentic in caring about others and the world will return the favor when we most need it. We care, not because it pays off to care, but because everyone around us has equal value as individuals. (That's something cynical power fighters don't understand, maybe because they never really cared in the first place.)

Law of reciprocity

...means "what we do comes back to us". Notice that the action linked to this principle is "create value by connecting people and specifying opportunities that they share". You'll find that once you connect people, two causal effects often hit in:

1. You'll quickly become part of the potential business
2. People will return the favor and identify possibilities you yourself did not see

One-on-One

Few understand how complex human interaction really is. If you want to connect with people, one of the most basic principles to live by is to stay personal. Friendships are personal, they are what one person shares with another. If you include others, you'll increase the energy of the social setting, but you dilute the opportunity to exchange personal emotions and feelings. Of course we need both settings, but when it comes to connecting with others, one-on-one is by far the most significant arena.

Always available

Being dependable is being there when someone needs you. Frequently, human need will vanish as quickly as the need arises. This means, someone might need information at an instant, immediate advice or a supporting shoulder for which reason they contact you. If you're available, you become the solution - a valuable individual in their life, there and then. If you're unavailable, because the need is instant and "overwhelming", they will call on someone else. Being unavailable quickly becomes lost opportunities, that others pick up simply because they were approachable instead of you.

These five principles, coupled with "the actions that belong to them" are only but a fraction of what connection is all about. However, they are the essence of an effective networker. Do remember - networking is not down to technique; networking is about being sincere, loyal and a believer in "the good stuff" that's inside each of us... In one word, building TRUST!

During the summer holidays I put together a quick survey on how we feel about sales people approaching us when selling a product or service. In one week only the survey had 52 respondents, and replies just keep coming in. The data retrieved and the information it provides is interesting, especially if we consider the negative side:

When asked how we feel when a sales person tries to sell us something, here's what we respond statistically:

In addition to this, of all respondents 11,4% explicitly stated they NEVER had a positive experience with ANY sales person trying to sell them something.

This means that when we approach someone about our product or service, 1 out of 10 has a 100% negative history with ALL previous sales people they've ever encountered. At least that's how they perceive it. To make it worse, 46%, i.e. pretty much every other potential customer, feels bad (and of those 1 of 5 "worse than bad") about you contacting them in the first place.

When asked to comment on simple questions about selling activity one overall answer and attitude or dominant "ground rule" clearly comes through: "I know what I need, and I'll go get it when I want it. I strongly dislike people contacting me about something I don't need".

What basic learning can we extract from empirical results such as these?

Actually, quite a few important principles surface more or less instantly. However, three of them I'd like to specifically point out, since they're core to everything else.

Successful (sales) people work on their:

1. POSITIONING - Operational dialog
   • helping others seek them out and come to them for help and problemsolving.
2. RELATIONSHIPS - Opinional dialog
   • helping others feel good about them as a person.
3. TACTICS - Optimal dialog
   • helping people take the lead and feel good about the message.

In sum these three make up what we call the SBP = SPP equation.

Here's a webcast about the 3 dialogs, explaining what this is all about.

We looked at why sales training mostly fails to deliver promised results. Here's a webcast that explains it in plain words:

Like most people, you too have probably experienced moments of bliss when communication was just perfect. You felt at one with life and everything around you!

The past seven years we've been searching for what it is that makes such a "fusion" occur, especially within sales and in a business setting. We wanted to reach higher - for something much better than what we see in the business world today.

However short these glimpses of insight may be, they're real and filled with such good and powerful feelings that there are hundreds of descriptions to be found about them: Some describe it as "butterflies of joy", "ecstatic and rare excitement", "a magical flow of ideas", "pure conviction" and others simply as "quiet moments of tranquility and peace". Over the years our research team has chosen a descriptive term that embraces and captures the entire scope of it: Energation!

“To closely interact through passion, connection and intuition, reaching understanding and commitment beyond natural ability.”

There's a lot to be said about energation. In fact, it's such a huge topic I wrote a book about it. The common denominator, however, is dialog. Whether it be internal dialog through self reflection during a private moment or an excellent conversation with another person, there is always some kind of interaction and thinking activity that precedes energation. In all simplicity we've found that it's a process of exchanging energy in combination with communication. If we merge "energy" with "communication" we get "energation".

That said, energation is a shared state of mind and a mutual experience that is sometimes hard to describe. Thus we get all the differing explanations and descriptions of feelings and sensations. Still, when it occurs both parties can instantly recognize it. It's in the air. Our research has revealed three layers of energy. In our experience, energation occurs most often when all three are flowing: PASSION - CONNECTION - INTUITION (and in this sequence).

One Energy per Dialog

Each of these energies is a direct result of a specific type of dialog. PASSION grows out of the Operational dialog. CONNECTION grows out of the Opinional dialog and INTUITION grows out of the Optimal dialog. During the next few weeks I'll be sharing what each dialog is about. Stay tuned for more ;-)

Key Principles of Energation

Three key principles characterize energation.

# 1 - AVAILABLE TO ALL

Maybe the most exciting characteristic of energation is how it's completely independent from physical condition and social state. We may be rich or poor, male or female, old or young, in prison or out in the free, in war or in peace, hungry or filled up, cold or hot, sick or healthy. Regardless of circumstances, it's seems to be equally available to all. Energation is pretty much synonymous with happiness, but not the kind of shallow happiness we think of "on a daily basis". Energation is the perfect balance of outbound and inbound energy.

# 2 - PROACTIVE STEPS MAY INCREASE FREQUENCY

By engaging ourselves in Operational, Opinional and Optimal dialogs we begin to balance the 3 Energies behind effective communication - PASSION - CONNECTION - INTUITION. These dialogs are so closely linked to their respective energies, our focus should not be on the energy itself, but rather on mastering the dialogs - then energy follows as a direct result. Energation may occur, but not per se.

# 3 - REMAINS OUTSIDE PERSONAL CONTROL

Even though much can be done to stimulate energation, it remains out of our direct control. Whereas it will not occur without our consistent effort, it cannot be forced or manipulated. This does not mean it cannot be facilitated, rather it means we only have indirect control. Skilled communicators know how to create the atmosphere needed for energation to enter the scene.

Even though energation does not always work the way we would like it to, communication is always at its best when we tap into Passion, Connection and Intuition.

Why do we seek this unique kind of shared experience? Because energation is the ultimate way to foster enduring commitment in others. Energation has a lasting effect beyond any other way we know of. It motivates unlike any other element in human interaction. Energation is influence in the keenest sense of the word. It helps the people around us become self powered - gives them perspective - it ignites their character!

Being on the same wavelength is what energation is truly all about.

Let me assure you: Skilled communicators tap into energation all the time. It just hasn't been explained like this before. Not only does it help win the business. Energation makes selling a worthwhile and mutually uplifting experience. This is what you've been looking for. This is what you want!

(Read more about energation in the 3E members area - a sneak peak before release end of Oct 2008.)

In almost all sales literature you'll find clever advice about sales processes, techniques, models, structures, systems, programs and blueprints. The remainder of sales literature aims at human traits such as PMA (Positive Mental Attitude), enthusiasm, networking, values, politics, win-win and the like. Thus, in short, we find two categories:

1. Methods and
2. what I like to call "Effort and Talent"

As important as these two categories may be, the key to leveraging great performance - I mean SERIOUSLY outstanding and UNSTOPPABLE performance - lies in reality elsewhere. Where do you think unbelievable results come from?

Beyond Method, Talent and Effort

Introducing the subject in this way also reveals a most interesting aspect; each one of us intuitively and instinctively already knows, but it seems hard to put into words, and even harder to implement in the corporate world. Deep inside we know it's not method - methods are important, but not the ultimate and deciding factor. We even know it's not effort and talent, because they too are often waisted and held back. It's something else. What would you say it is?

Just think about it... Of course we need method - method is crucial. We also need effort and talent. Effort and talent are not only necessary, they're foundational. But... and this is my point; there's something way more important and significant lying underneath that determines whether or not someone succeeds beyond normal..! (Remember, we're not just talking about success. We're discussing unusual and remarkable success.)

Before I give you this pearl - this diamond of unique and simple value - I need to emphasize one crucial point, to help understand why this is so valuable, not only in today's business world, but also in every other setting; marriage, family, politics and every type of human interaction. What we see is this:

Whether a book or training event focuses on method, effort or talent, in reality it makes no real difference on performance. Good stuff finds good people anyway. In the end, real improvement in "average people" stems from another source altogether!

Influence is Energy

The One-on-One slogan "Influence is Energy" summarizes all there is to say about what really makes the difference. I've seen people be trained in the most extensive and excellent research-based programs and models, supported by management, economic as well as human resources, enticed by incentive programs and backed by values and follow up coaching. Does it ring a bell? Regardless of how much method, effort and talent an organization has or puts in, no TIPPING-POINT RESULTS will come unless something triggers individual energy.

Amazing success is born - first and foremost - when you IGNITE CHARACTER. A truly dedicated individual is not able to not influence others. Therefore, there simply is no such thing as the one and only perfect salesperson, because every one of us has the built-in capacity to influence others in our own unique way. We each have peak performance when intuition permeates our burning desire and every-day actions. That does not mean that methods, effort and talents are without effect. They are indeed the muscles and tools of success, but even muscles and tools are no good without a beating heart and the blood to provide the needed oxygen.

Apply individual energy to method, effort and talent and you've got a combination that works. Energy, however, is too often missing - in fact, almost always missing - and it's only haphazardly found even among high performers.

• Why do methods not work on a stand-alone basis? Because without unleashing individual power, methods tend to restrain rather than free influential ability.

• Why does effort and talent not work on a stand-alone basis? Because without the engine itself to wake them up, effort and even talent merely remain "mis employed tools" without purpose.

First release energy, then apply method, effort and talent!

During the past 7 years we've discovered a set of principles that trigger energy in individuals and organizations making them influential through empowering character. It's not quick fix, but it's a LOT quicker than "quick fix", because quick fix only has a short term effect and no real bearing on true and lasting success!

We've looked at "when a message has power" as well as "when training works". Suppose you've got them both in place. Now the question remains: How can we increase or maintain our power of influence?

Influence was never static. It's always fluctuating - up or down. If we're not taking action to increase our degree of influence, then it automatically decreases. Here's the fact: Most people give little thought to whether what they are doing increases or decreases their level of influence with others. Had they been trained in basic principles of influence, they would have experienced dramatic improvement in being able to reach and convince others.

A good example of such principles is found for instance in Dr Stephen R. Covey's instructions where among other things he talks about "The Emotional Bank Account". The principles are simple and above all practical and easy to apply on a day-to-day basis (listed here). Influence is action. It is doing! This is at the heart of the matter - we either add or subtract influential power - through every single action we take in relation to others. Action is where it's found. Good action increases influence. Poor action or no action decreases influence.

The 3 Energies behind every form of influence are Passion, Connection and Intuition. These three cover the entire spectrum of influence. Whereas Dr Covey's example only covers one of them with the concept of the Emotional Bank Account, all influence stems from these 3 Energies.

From a birds eye view and higher perspective influence is energy. Therefore, the more energy we pass on the greater the influence we will have. Being an energy carrier and energy transmitter makes all the difference. Energy and influence travels upward in a spiral staircase through three basic questions - so basic it's almost hard to grasp:

• What am I trying to achieve?

• Who can help me accomplish it?

• How will I stimulate them to pull the load with me?

These three - and in this order - WHAT, WHO and HOW and our ability to answer them are what decides our persuasive abilities.

1. WHAT relates to our identity. It reveals who we are and what we are about. For instance, research shows how every successful company on average takes seven years to answer this first question.
2. The question of WHO guides us in which people that matter most. Everyone is unique and has equal value, but when seeking to accomplish specific goals and objectives some people are worth spending more time and effort with than others.
3. Asking HOW confronts us with the need to become specific as well as accept that others may know more than we do.

The WHAT, WHO and HOW apply to every aspect of life; personal, organizational, family, politics etc. Only people who know WHAT can be truly effective in answering WHO. Only people who know WHO can be truly effective in answering HOW. Only people who know HOW revisit WHAT with real insight. Constantly working up the spiral in this way is the essence of influence. All else is a subspecies or lesser variety thereof.

The first energy, PASSION, comes from answering the first question of WHAT. The second energy, CONNECTION, comes from answering WHO. The third energy, INTUITION, is triggered by HOW. Energy and influence comes through interactive reflection on the most basic questions we can ask. This is why basic is and always will remain most powerful.

Summing up: Influence is hard work, but most of the influential powers we have are generated much earlier in the process than what people may think. When you call someone, speak with someone or write something 80% or more of the influence you have in the moment comes from preliminary effort - not what causes your current perspiration. Work today to influence tomorrow!

I've done a LOT of sales training since my last post, and (unfortunately) a lot of traveling. As always, it has been a fantastic experience. Remember how I said last time: A student only benefits from training programs when they include the heart in the learning process. A trainer can "pound" on the door of the heart, but to actually open it is left to each candidate individually. (Selling is ultimately the same way.)

These past weeks I've again contemplated the power of this principle, and I just want to point out; there are only two types of candidates attending training out there:

1. They who take it to heart and experience the first amplifier (heart explosion)
2. They who will not include emotions and feelings and never gain the slightest bit of learning (only superfluously)

Note! A student can only experience "heart explosion" if the trainer possesses the quality of bringing the message to the heart in the first place. My claim is - very few trainers do!

Last time I promised to share the next two amplifiers following the first. I'll keep it short - that's somehow the beauty of this:

Influence is energy. If we want to reach another person with our message, we need power, and that power is nothing but energy! What is the very core of how a message becomes powerful? Did you ever think about that? Here's what we've found is the answer to this important question: "It's when we run it through the three amplifiers most easily available in one-on-one communication":

• The first amplifier is the heart (Energy # 1: PASSION). I.e. when the message passes through the heart it explodes and immediately (yes, automatically) flows out to hands and feet. We see immediate action. Ask yourself whether or not you've caused the first amplifier in someone else. Here's an easy test to evaluate how it went: Did they act immediately on what you presented them with? Did they become unstoppable? If not, then your message never made it to the first amplification

The 3E symbol for PASSION is the heart.

• The second amplifier is from heart to heart (Energy # 2: CONNECTION). This amplifier is the need we have to share from the heart how the heart explosion felt and what mental images caused it to take place. This sounds almost religious, and I admit it almost is. However, just think of it this way: The best way to test whether or not something really has been learned is if we're able to teach others the same. When this is done, not only is the learning curve extended, but the subject and material becomes ours. Ours to keep forever.

The 3E symbol for CONNECTION is a battery.

• The third amplifier is when we include intuition (Energy # 3: INTUITION). When we begin to apply adopted material in our own way, i.e. we incorporate principles and adapt skills to our own style and individual talent. In doing so, we stay open to inside and outside impressions and promptings.

The 3E symbol for INTUITION is a bolt of lightning.

Once we deeply study these three amplifiers - each one a direct result from each of the respective "3 Energies" - we'll discover how our message both penetrates AND causes permanent change in others. THIS is what selling (and training) is all about.

Next time you attend (sales) training, try to keep in mind the following: Training very seldom has changing and lasting effect!

Coming from a trainer, this may sound disillusional. However, an effective trainer isn't truly familiar with how instruction works until he or she has seriously been engaged in evaluation of results. Every public speaker or instructor should be brought to witness his or her actual degree of influence. If this was done properly I believe the majority of us would be shocked and greatly disappointed. Research also indicates that most training not even remotely makes a significant difference in behavior over time. More importantly, a thorough understanding of better influence would lead to a) less monologue and entertainment and b) increase the level of interaction and dialog to reach involvement and effort.

Having been involved in training since 1992, I've at least learned two MAJOR lessons, summed up in one: 1) Learning takes place from the inside, and 2) energy is the primary source of change. A good mental picture to illustrate what happens when change takes place is this:

The above illustration serves to underscore how the heart is "the first amplifier of energy". We're looking at energy explosion! (In my next post I'll share more about the other two amplifiers following immediately after.)

Any principle can be understood intellectually, but still have little bearing on real life application. If a person is to be effectively educated reflection needs to pass through the heart of the individual. In the very moment the heart is included, it will automatically and instantly flow or "shoot" to the hands and feet. It is this spontaneous reaction that represents the first crucial step in changing behavior. For it to become a habit, consistent effort is also needed.

Acquiring skills in influencing others is enormously rewarding, but it does require the heart. The heart, though painful it may be, is not included unless someone or something triggers emotions and feelings. For this reason, the real question is how to generate, pass on and harness energy.

In this sense, training and selling are completely one and the same. This is why any teacher, speaker and instructor would benefit greatly from basic sales training. Yes, teaching is selling - both are aiming to influence. Influence is all about energy.

To see a webcast on this subject click here.

All of us are into manipulation to some degree, especially when we run out of options to persuade others.

You may be thinking: "I'm not!" Yes, unfortunately you are, too. Every day! We even do it without knowing. Here's what happens and why.

Every day we encounter something we really want. It could be food, recognition, love, you name it – any unmet need out there, small or great. When we're in a situation where we feel we REALLY need something our brain begins to look for ways to reach our objectives. Or to phrase it simpler; when we want something we automatically look for ways to get it.

This drive to satisfy constant needs is so powerful, it takes place mostly in our subconscious mind. Thus, without knowing it, what we do from minute to minute is inspired by wanting something. (You may say: "I just want others to be happy". That too is wanting something.) Ironically, almost every little need involves people around us, in some way or another. Most of our needs are in fact met through interaction with others, i.e. a great deal of persuasive effort on our part takes place without us even being aware of it. We're actually engaged in selling or negotiating activity the majority of our waking hours, but we don't think of it that way, because we're not aware.

The tricky thing is, the more we want something the more emotional we tend to get. Emotions and feelings are by nature counterproductive to logical thinking. Feelings alone can cloud our reasoning and limits our ability to rationally interact with others. Feelings without logic represents an imbalance. Therefore, it is the ability to sense and truly understand the needs of others that tips the lever back in balance. When we see the world from the outside, we enable ourselves to return to logic, or rather to include logic. To be in balance we need both feelings and logic – emotions and awareness – a constant view of the inside and the outside. This is how our brain actually works. It has these two sides, but mastering both certainly isn't easy. Truly effective (PERSUASIVE) people apply brainpower to balance feelings and emotions (ENERGY) with logic and awareness (SENSITIVITY).

So why do we turn to manipulation?

Manipulation easily occurs when there's an imbalance between what we feel and what we perceive. For example, when we want something and only perceive a limited number of ways to get it, we sometimes allow our "overwhelming" feelings to overrule logical thinking. Even though we know it's wrong (our inner compass tells us so) we are convinced by the imbalance of emotions and awareness to justify cheating. Cheating could for instance be plain lying, withholding facts, raising our voice, tricking someone or putting on some kind of act etc. The ways in which we can cheat is an endless list.

How can we become a Principal of Clean Influence (PCI)?

The question is a big one, and the answer consequently important. I believe mastering "clean persuasion" – i.e. not manipulative – is a lifelong process. In fact, I believe it is life itself. Just think of it: What is the main concern of a dying man? In essence he returns to the naked baby he was when he entered life. His concern is what he leaves behind and what he brings along; both the right brain – love and emotions and the left brain – knowledge and awareness. What is the only thing that matters, the only thing that lasts, the only thing that makes a difference? It is that which guides and develops our persuasive abilities – how we channel energy in our loving and learning.