Do you ever find that some people are hard to connect with? Sure you do. Everybody does!

Most of us are sensitive in this respect. If there's someone we don't get along with, even though we might not admit to it, we spend a lot of our strength on trying to figure out why.

If your relationship with another person is "in minus", it doesn't really matter what you say - any statement will be perceived negatively by default. Why? Because communication is a function of feelings. That's what I mean by the word 'connection'. Thus, the number one thing to do, regardless of what the circumstances might be, is to approach the challenge from the angle of feelings, and not with words. It's how people feel about each other that carries all communicates between them. In other words, what we say is colored and influenced through an "emotional filter".

When it comes to customers, clients and partners, even though we might think it's purely business, there's really no such thing. Even the most "rational" people are feelings only. They might try to separate emotions and logical reason, but in the end of the day, a relationship remains sensitive by how we feel about the other. That's why, from a practical perspective, at any given time we need to give the highest priority to actions that touch people on a personal emotional level e.g.:

• expressing confidence and faith in others
• being kind and polite in small and simple every-day matters
• showing empathy and care
• complimenting others whenever there's an opportunity to do so
• being ourselves (not something we're not) and relaxed
• sincerely apologizing when we falter
• never speaking ill of others
• refraining from irony
• being quick to laughter and slow to criticism

The list could be much longer. What we should remember, is; it's not the behavior listed per se, but rather the indirect result that makes the biggest difference - improved communication through an emotional and personal connection. A real connection!

I've been in business and sales long enough to understand that individual contracts, in the long run, are worthless. What matters is our connection to others. That's what remains - a personal relationship is the long term result of any sale made.

This week I'm doing sales coaching with top performers in one of the world's largest IT companies. Every time I do so, there's one thing that always strikes me: Some sales people stand out. And just how do they differentiate themselves?

The first of three differentiators; they do it through passion!

There's a stunning difference between people who pass on and radiate energy from those who seem to absorb it. I've studied the subject of energy from a sales perspective for more than 7 years now. One of my discoveries has clearly been that passion is the first and basic force that drives successful sales people. So here's advice literally worth millions:

It doesn't matter whether we've just recently moved into sales or if we're "at the peak of our career". Everybody needs passion - the deep heartfelt desire and reason to share a message that matters. Whereas it is important to understand why passion is so crucial, of far greater consequence is the basic understanding about what it is that triggers this energy inside ourselves. Several factors have an impact on passion. For now, I'd like to briefly mention one of them.

"The overlapping of personal purpose, identity and agenda with business mission". When the values we have are in harmony with how we make our living - when what we do in our daily work effort becomes one and the same with what we have as our personal mission, this can help spark the energy called passion. This is when it becomes personal, when we begin to invest our soul in what we do. It's the beginning of a big difference. You become 100% for real, and no part of you is "somewhere else". This, believe it or not, is very easy to spot in any person. We can't hide it. It comes out automatically. Better make that change, or die trying. If we don't, we never had a life, anyway. I'm serious!

Do you know what I really love about being in "sales"? (...and I wouldn't miss it for a thing!)

One of the great things about selling is how we are constantly confronted with "being good to people". Being good to people is that delicious mixture of service, patience, hard work and perseverance. It's sending out energy - positive vibes. Once sent out, there's always something coming back. Almost every minute of the day you get pretty much instant feedback on how you're doing. Of course it hurts a lot when we fail. But when we succeed, my, it's such a kick!

I remember two particular clients while working with major deals in an international IT company. My peers would tell me how bad these people were and impossible to please - how they would never express a word of appreciation and all that. You get that every once in a while, especially when you persist where others give up. What a fantastic feeling I had when I was able to keep passing on positive energy and then finally see the fruits of it. These two clients have remained till this day among my best business contacts. It seems like whatever I do now, they always have that little extra for me... almost as if I triggered something deep inside them that will never quit.

This struggle "to win the heart and mind of people" - not business per se - is so wonderful. The magic that follows from this communicative struggle is a need for self reflection, self awareness and all the emotions that follow. It makes you feel alive. It's life! This is what I wanted to highlight: I see in "The 3 Energies" a generic application to all aspects of life - self development and lifestyle, a successful marriage, quality of family life, relationships with friends, being a useful member of society etc.

Here's how I picture it in my mind:

It's as if in our deepest self there is a lot of dirt and filth. Our character needs to be "molded", our personality sharpened and our values and perspectives deepened. It's a process; not everything can be improved at once. If all at once, we'd break down. Every so often someone comes along and stirs up a little dirt. If we deal with it, we become a tiny bit more "pure", even though we're hurt in the process. Afterwards we feel better, until someone else comes along and stirs up some more of that muck. Surprised again we confront our weaknesses and patch up once more. And so it goes on... That's life, isn't it? The good thing about it is a steep learning curve. In daily battles like this we grow to mature. I believe sales people are privileged. They can, with a little extra effort, acquire hands-on practice in some of life's most important and challenging areas.

O®O 3E Audio Blog - listen to this post O®O

Don't you think it's strange? During all my training received as a sales professional, not once did anyone teach me anything about ethics or morals, about being honest and true. Maybe I should be led to believe it was always assumed that I am?

I've known so many sales people with inconsistent behavior - I've witnessed so many sad stories of colleagues that made budgets and won battles but lost the war. Too many do not know why and how one should apply basic principles to build long lasting results.

I've always been puzzled by the fact that sales models, programs and blueprints never could "fix" a person's value system. Whereas to me, every new theory and model reinforces the relevance of integrity, some of my peers seem to be more focused on discovering "how to more effectively trick others into another purchasing trap". Maybe that's putting it a little too bluntly, but the underlying concept is the same - "how to make others do what you want them to do".

Wouldn't it be great with a new pair of "sales spectacles" that gives every sales model a healthy perspective in the mind of a sales person? Well, I've worked at it for 7 years now, and do you know what I find? Ground breaking principles and discoveries, but most of all more questions, fewer answers and to make it worse - a stronger desire than ever to figure it out ;-) Help me, would you?