It appears that no one can offer a flexible list of international gurus on sales and influence. So we decided to collaborate online and make one together.
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Together with people across the globe we just launched the first step in an exciting project - building a shared online list of recommended sales literature. This list of literature may have several purposes, for instance:
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Once the literature list has become a substantial source of useful information we will use it to set up online events with these gurus. It will allow us to meet and interact with them based on supply and demand.
If you'd like to join this project or merely tag along, please feel free to do so. For updates on the project apply for membership in the LinkedIn group for Elite Sales Professionals together with thousands of others.
Have you ever felt misunderstood? Do you know why you were misunderstood? Was it because of what you said? Or could it be that the misunderstanding(s) occured due to feelings rather than words?
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Are words more than just sound moderated by our lips? If anything, what should we say, and how could we say it?
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There is nothing so hurtful as being totally ignored or misunderstood, is there? And equally devastating, being critized or scolded for something we said or did with the best of intentions. Let me share a quick story to make just that point:
| Thirty-five years ago I was a small boy running around in our garden. Then my friend next door and I made an interesting discovery. My dad had put in some new windows in the basement. We quickly found that if we threw a big enough rock at the windows it made a great sound and took on an interesting new shape. Little did I know that we did something wrong. I just thought it was a lot of fun.
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Lesson # 1: Our Internal Conversation Is What Changes Us
What a tragedy it was to me when I discovered what I had done. I had caused my dad pain, and I deeply wanted to make up for it. Now tell me, what would have happened had my dad responded with anger and a lack of respect for his four year old son? Would it have had the same impact on me? Not a chance. Why not? I believe our conscience and feelings are far more effective than words or even physical punishment.
Lesson # 2: Feelings Enhance Memory
I'm pretty sure this lesson would have been quickly forgotten had it not been for the sincere approach of my own father. But because he made me feel the consequences of my actions this experience is still with me today. His words had real meaning to me. Not only do these feelings serve as a reminder of what happened, but today (and forever) also as a constant guide to how I should pay the same kind of respect to my own children.
Lesson # 3: Mutual Respect Changes "Short Term Bad" to "Long Term Good"
What a powerful and long lasting example he set for me that particular day. Even more importantly, he turned a hopeless situation into a memorable teaching moment.
Lesson # 4: Communication Is Felt More Than Heard
Feelings outweigh words in every shape and form. If we do not feel favorable to another person, nothing that person says will ever have an effect on us. When it comes to communication, feelings are on a lower, more significant, level than words. Now ask yourself; could it be that there exists a level of communication that's even more important than feelings?
Asking questions, especially the right question, cannot be overestimated in sales. Pinpointed and effective questions drive the conversation and helps all involved to reflect on the right issues. Reflecting on and narrowing the discussion down to what really matters is the forerunner to getting a bird's eye view.
Did you ever find yourself bogged down in the thick of thin things? Are you at times unable to see the forest for the trees?
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The problem is more common than you might suspect. In my experience, everyone has blind spots. Missing the full perspective and making mistakes may not be very harmful case by case, but when leaders make mistakes it may affect a lot of good people. (BTW, we're all leaders in one way or another.) | ||||||
Blind spots will cause even the most sincere leader to make mistakes. If those mistakes are to be avoided, leaders need someone that can help them flap their wings and get a bird's eye perspective. Such a perspective can only be achieved through skillful and persistent questioning.
Self Evaluation
Decades of research has clarified a large array of types of questions that have great impact depending on how and when they are asked. Why does this matter? It matters in so many ways. Today I'd like to share one basic principle in which you can apply the importance of questions right away in your own life - on your own:
Recently I was digging dirt in our garden. The task seemed overwhelming, but I kept at it. Every so often I would take a few steps back and ask myself: "Is this turning out the way I want it to?" The sight was not encouraging at first, but step by step the entire garden became smooth just like I had it pictured in my mind.
We can do the same in every situation and scenario. "Is this turning out the way I want it to?" is a simple question that will cause us to evaluate whatever it is we do. Surprisingly enough, many people seldom take the time to stop and reflect about the progress they're making. As a result, we lose track of where we are, how we are doing and what results we are getting.
Conscious Conversation with Yourself
How can we get a bird's eye perspective? Take the time to evaluate by asking that simple question. Ask yourself before retiring to bed at night: "Is this turning out the way I want it to?". In one way or another, you'll find issues that need fixing. The question and issues will remain with you throughout your sleep and the morning will present insight provided by your subconscious mind. It never fails.
Another wonderful way to reflect is by talking to yourself while driving the car. Turn off the music and rather have a conversation with yourself about a problem you're faced with. If you're embarrassed to answer your own questions, then ask questions only without answering them out loud. Your mind will begin to search for solutions. Regardless of how you do it, the most important element is to actively seek time to be alone and think. Sometimes it helps to read an inspiring book before you ponder your current situation. A thought provoking article or poem may trigger feelings that can put you in the mode of reflecting on life and the bigger picture.
A person that does not take the time on a regular basis to ask and ponder some tough questions in private has a poor life indeed. Take the time to reflect on your challenges, what you'd like to accomplish together with others or where you'd like to be in a year or two from now. It will make your current problems seem less discouraging when you take a step back and seek a bird's eye perspective.
What is it you want, may be an enticing question. However, one way or the other, it is not the right place to start. Our intentions need a deeper source than merely aiming and gaining. "Intent" makes all the difference. Why? Because our agenda affects our entire style and demeanor. Ultimately intent decides who we will become.
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Most people are predominantly occupied with self interest. Thus, asking, "what is it you want", has an immediate appeal and most often easily triggers a response. But beware, the answer says a lot about who you are and what it is that dominates your agenda.
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Even though there's only one word that makes up the difference, that one word turns everything up-side-down: "Having" focuses on the external and short term gratification. It is driven by selfish purposes. "Becoming" focuses on the internal and long term. It usually drives a greater purpose.
Collecting
People with a mind set centered on "putting things into the box" (i.e. collecting) gain little from training. Their attention is focused on what it gives them in return for the time they spend sacrificing self interest. Attitude is poor. Results are even worse. How come? They are mainly exploring self interest by asking WHAT; "what's in it for me..?" and "what will I gain from this..?" seeing obstacles everywhere and becoming more and more blind to opportunity.
Sharing
People focused on "taking things out of the box" (i.e. sharing) gain more from training. Their efforts center around giving and less on immediate return. In the process their attitude is positive. Results take time, but they gradually undergo change. How come? They are mainly challenging deeper altruistic and societal purpose by asking WHY; "why are we involved in this..?" and "why shouldn't we..?" seeing less obstacles and constantly seeking new opportunities.
Is there someone that's really important to you? Do you really need to influence someone? If you really have a desparate need to, I mean, if you really need to influence another person, then I've spent the past nine years exploring HOW this is best done. Here's a quick example.
We have five children. All five are highly active individuals. When all five are in one place, they always have at least two conversations going on at the same time, sometimes more. The chatter is endless. Simply inspiring to watch and behold as a parent ;-)
Now, let's say we're driving in the car. When I bring all our five children with me I easily end up being nothing but the driver of the car. Unless I somehow get involved in the conversation, the situation by default will turn me into a chafeur, "disappearing in the crowd".
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So if I want to become more influential, what would be a smart move? Three things:
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Well, instead of bringing all the kids in the car at the same time, I can (1) strengthen the position by just inviting one of them to come along. Of course, this may not always be possible. Sometimes the whole family needs to go somewhere. But let's say I want to influence one of my daughters. When only the two of us are in the car I automatically make the switch from being the driver to becoming "daddy". The improved position now allows me to (2) build our relationship. How do we best build a relationship? For example, I can (3) improve my behavior in relation to my daughter by listening more attentatively.
What's the difference? I've applied The 3 Energies Behind Sales Success that automatically changed the scenario to one-on-one. I've found that "the one-on-one scenario" often results when we strengthen position, build relationships and improve behavior. Going one-on-one turns me into a dad, a spouse, a friend, a colleague, a leader. In fact, no matter what, going one-on-one always leverages the greatest influence!
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Influencing our surroundings is not a choice. We are influencing others whether we want to or not. However, you can choose WHAT, WHO and HOW to influence.
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If ever there was a time to be excited, for me it's NOW! Get your tickets to attend my keynote session at Ibsenhuset in Skien on Thursday the 28th of April.
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Why ask questions? Why should we? We constantly hear about the value of asking questions, but why is it so important? A little insight into why may very well instantly influence your style to becoming a more questioning individual.
A master teacher understands the power of questions. Any successful speaker asks questions. An effective leader asks questions. Negotiations are all about questions. Mothers and fathers reach out to their children when asking candid questions. Conflict requires questioning. If all these statements are true, then how come? Why are questions so important?
The more training I do, do you know what I find? I discover how poorly we make use of that one critical skill that makes communication really flow. And what is that skill? It's asking questions. What would happen if we asked more questions? Here's what I see - every day; every question asked immediately improves all aspects of communication.
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What happens when we make the switch to increasing the number of questions? Here are some examples:
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Why is it so important to ask questions? What is it about asking questions that so dramatically improves communication? When should we ask questions? How should we ask questions?
Questions Trigger Thoughts
What do skilled speakers do? The best speakers ask questions all the time. Even when communicating in monologue, questions lubricate the message. Ask them, then answer them yourself. Why? Because the question that is being raised and spelled out clearly sharpens the attention of a listener. What can we learn from this? Our first conclusion is: Always ask questions, regardless of what you do!
Here's a list principles that encourages asking a lot of questions:
- The question decides the topic. If you want to set the agenda, be the first to ask a question.
- Questions give you more information and information equals power.
- Questions give you time to think.
- Questioning leverages "an open style", and people appreciate your asking for input and feedback.
- Questions encourages the other person to talk. People love to talk (...about themselves).
- Questions combine thoughts and brains, leveraging synergy (1+1 = 3 or much more).
- Questions trigger the unconscious creative brain power in both the speaker and the listener.
- Questions rule out misunderstandings. (Research indicates that summarizing and checking for understanding up to 11 times adds value to mutual understanding.)
- Questions and silence relieves you of responsibility (i.e. speaking reveals your opinion and immediately holds you accountable).
- And quite possibly most of all, asking a question is still the best way to trigger a conversation.
Indeed, and in fact, it is the question that holds the real information. How? By how something only can really be understood when the question is clearly formulated. Anyone can come up with "answers" and suggestions, but it takes a master to ask the question that reveals true understanding and insight. What do inventors do? Inventors ask questions. That's how they invent. What does science do? Science asks questions. That's how new theories appear.
Albert Einstein, among others, brought this principle to our attention when he said: "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it". Slightly paraphrased in simpler language; "a problem can never be solved at the level we were at when we created it."
Is it any wonder then that Jesus and Socrates were such fans of asking questions? Why not ask more questions?
Networking is a lifestyle, nothing more, nothing less. Your life and style reveals your motivations (the WHY's and WHAT's) as well as WHO you are. To get insight about yourself, consider HOW you behave when you're around other people.
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One of three main differences between successful and unsuccessful people is the way in which they build relationships. If I were to describe the difference with as few words as possible; "Successful people always build relationships, unsuccessful people only build relationships when they see the need to."
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Relationships Are Like Flowers
The difference in attitude is scary. The difference in results even more so. To this day I am surprised at how some people just never make this basic discovery; the staggering and fatal consequences of stepping another person on his or her toes. A friend of mine said it so well: "A relationship is like a tender plant. We try to build relationships, but every so often we walk around in the bed of flowers hoping that the flowers will still somehow blossom." A relationship needs constant attention, and one mistake only will forever hurt and remain unless there is honest and sincere forgiveness.
My conclusion? Don't just network when you need work or more business. Make networking a lifestyle, and you'll soon find that even your attitude will improve as a result of your working to improve your behavior.
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