One of the three most powerful ways in which we can influence others is by linking our product or service to a) the individual purpose or agenda, b) the values and/or c) the deepest desires of the decision maker and stakeholders (in an account). In 3E we've called this "Subjective Linkage". If you're in sales you've probably heard it all before. However, if you study the details of advice given to this challenging - very difficult - task, there is ALWAYS little substance to it. Why? Very few people actually do this!

It's so interesting, you know... The last 30 years of research within sales, influence and psychology has pretty much pointed out everything needed to win contracts - BUT - when asked HOW, the answers get very long and blurry. Right here in this blog post I'm going to give you a clear solution to the task just mentioned in bold print above. Then, if you've really tried this in real life you know how hard it is, and you'll also appreciate my specific reply. (If you're not emotionally touched after reading this blog, then you've probably never struggled with Subjective Linkage in the first place). Let me illustrate with a personal experience:

Not long ago my son and daughter were in some kind of quarrel. I heard one of them screaming from downstairs, clearly as a result of some physical contact. I immediately called for the eldest. When she came up she may have expected me to hold her responsible for whatever the problem was. In stead I asked her, with a friendly smile on my face: "So what's he doing this time (surrendering my complete trust in her agenda, values and sincere desires for good)!" Instantly she looked relieved and had an emotional outburst revealing her inner feelings and frustrations. (If I had scolded her, she would have remained without an open display of feelings.) What came out was of course her "complete innocence", and also how she had honestly tried to solve the bickering how she thought it should be done. I followed up with a hug and a few tears in their behalf, telling her how I too make mistakes as a husband and father. There was no longer any risk in sharing true feelings - bitterness quickly began to dissolve. Then I called for our son to come upstairs, too. I left them speaking alone and soon the problem was solved and forgotten.

This is a practical example of Subjective Linkage - both between my daughter and me, and between my two children.

Here's what needs to be done: When we meet with people, our main purpose should always be to make a real and worthwhile connection. The other person is ALWAYS what's most valuable at any given time! The connection is the highest and greatest compliment we can possibly give. This can be done in many ways, but regardless of how, we need to get personal. The only way to be personal is to at some point or another reveal how we're human and vulnerable and to invite others to do the same.

I deeply believe that each of us has the quality to find for ourselves how this can be done best. This is why 3E focuses on the principles of a connection giving guidance to how we use our personal talent and abilities to make it. The key issue is, once you've established a connection, it's possible to tap into the personal life and agenda of others and it becomes natural to do so. THEN we can establish Subjective Linkage.