Networking has taken on a new dimension the past few years. That's why it's time to ask a couple of serious questions. WHY should you nurture and build the people in your network? WHAT is important to the people in your network? WHO is important to you? HOW can you tell whether or not a person in your network is worth your trust and effort?
Only five years ago it was a lot easier to spot a true networker. These days, everybody is somehow into it. With the exploding social media everyone is connecting with friends, family and business associates. This however, does not mean that we're all networking networkers. Far from it!
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A "networker" is someone who is genuinely interested in building value for the people he or she interacts with. The most basic trait of a skilled networker is someone that completely abdicates self interest by constantly asking: "What can I do for this particular individual - right now".
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Before Facebook, LinkedIn and all other networking solutions I kept my network of contacts in a spreadsheet with thousands of key people. For obvious reasons I no longer maintain contact information and current status updates manually like this. (And if you do, you're wasting time. Today's paradigm has moved towards "everyone updates their own information".)
WHY
So, why network? There are many reasons. The most obvious one is "because networking is a lifestyle, and it's the right thing to do". Right thing? Yes, people who care will find people who care. People who don't care will soon find themselves alone. To me that sounds like an irrefutable law to prove its validity and eternal principle. But there's another reason why sincere networking is so powerful: "Because it's smart". With a big network, you'll find that almost any task becomes much easier. There's always someone who knows someone that has what you need.
WHAT
The tricky part in networking is what. The reason being, offering people what they need is being flexible to take a time-out and help people as the need arises. That, as you know, is hard, simply because everybody has a hectic schedule. In my experience, the people who want to help are better at this than those who do, but don't want to. "Intent counts more than technique (Quote: Mahan Khalsa)."
Even more important, I'd say, is looking for opportunities. A good networker will respond to needs, reactively. On the other hand, an excellent networker proactively seeks to create opportunities to create value for others. He or she asks effective questions to uncover needs, connects people that overlap in purpose and effort, and maybe above all - follows up to make sure it went well. So many people create value, but when left without follow up, they miss reciprocity, which almost always appears in some form or another when you're seeking to finish what you started.
WHO
Who's important? That's easy. Everyone is. I'm serious! When interacting with humans you simply don't separate between important and unimportant. You may have a pressing need to speak with someone, but that doesn't make that single person more important or noteworthy than anyone else.
I often encounter people who obviously are too much occupied with title, rank and/or position. Over the years I've learned an important lesson. Hear it from me: First of all, people are of equal value and if you don't really believe it, you'll act accordingly and sooner or later it'll catch up with you. Secondly, but that's only nice to remember, you never know who's who in a few years from now. One quick example:
I once spent several hours helping a young man who was working for a small insignificant company. They had no budget and nothing to offer, it seemed. Because I was responsible for our companies' policies and because I did care, he received all the help he needed. One year later he contacted me again, this time as the CTO of a major corporation. As a result of my previous investment in time and effort we now partnered up and did BIG business.
HOW
How do we know if someone is worth our trust and effort? First, like I said, everyone's worth an effort. What about trust? Do you really want to know who you can trust? The answer is obvious. Whoever does and lives by the above mentioned characteristics:
- People who care because they care - without any thought of reward (WHY)
- People who offer to help when it's not convenient (WHAT)
- People who treat all people alike (WHO)
Be a networker, but make sure to rise above the crowd. It used to be like that. It still is!
Clients, just like small children and toddlers, have a crying engine that sometimes needs to run for a while before we reach the heartier matters - the stuff that really makes a difference and that defines customer needs. It's not necessarily logical, but it certainly is psychological.
Did you ever witness a child crying for a long time? And then, when you offer your comfort and help, the child is simply unable to stop crying for quite a while. Even several minutes after the crying has "officially" stopped, the child is still experiencing periodic and uncontrolled sobbing. This phenomenon is what I refer to as "the crying engine".
Crying Remains the Same
What does this have to do with influence and sales?
Grown-ups are experiencing much of the same feelings in many ways. We may not frequently let it all out in as easily a recognizable pattern as public crying, but the process and the pain is exactly the same. Effective sales people allow the client to go through that process - gently - both the growing awareness of pain moving down to the heart as well as the resolving of deep feelings of hurt and disappointment moving up and out. The concluding result is wonderful. The other person experiences great relief, which is a reward in itself, I feel! The bonus is that your odds of making a sale quadruples, if not much more.
Mind you, the old school of "problem and pain questions" is a solid and good one, but supposing that all customers need help like that is of course taking it much too far and will only lead to miscommunication in so many cases. This is one of several good reasons why of all the different sales systems I appreciate the flexible approach of "Helping Clients Succeed" by Franklin Covey so much.
Of all self defeating behaviors, the worst stain must be the illusion of change - the fact that most of us remain in old and ingrown patterns and either don't know it or don't believe we do. Real change is slow, rarely found and a tough, honest and soul searching process when it occurs.
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Many years ago I studied the work of Robert E. Hardy on Self Defeating Behaviors (SDBs). Simply put, we tend to establish and maintain patterns, even those patterns that are self destructive. To begin with, that particular pattern or behavior served to help or protect us (which is why we established it), but when circumstances change and people mature, and because our approach is not principle based, it now hurts us, bars our way and keeps us from reaching new goals and higher levels of achievement. In other words, we hang on to patterns of behavior even though they don't treat us well. | ||||
Here's the bad news: We're all deeply entrenched in many self defeating behaviors. Most of them are hard to recognize. Many of them are difficult to admit to. Some are obvious and we hate to face them for what they really are. The good news is: We can eliminate SDBs, if we're willing to face them and deal with them.
Can you think of a self defeating behavior you're suffering from? How would you like to get rid of it?
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Well, there certainly is no quick and easy answer to such a big and important question. However, for the sake of briefly introducing you to what matters most and how you can make it happen for real, here's what you should be looking into:
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These three; Passion, Connection and Intuition represent a proven process for change, improvement and greater influence in the lives of the people around us, just to name a few benefits. You want this. You may not know it yet. However, sooner or later you'll find that success in any area inevitably will bring you to visit each of these three areas. Why not apply simple wisdom and humility by learning more, right now?
"If you tell me WHAT to do, I may do it for you. If you help me understand WHY I should do it, I'll want to do it and get it done, much better". The WHY makes all the difference. Why then, if WHY is so important, do leaders tend to forget its importance?
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Every time I do training, coaching or any kind of work to improve a company's performance I see the same crucial principle at work: Unless individuals see and understand the WHY, no lasting improvement ever takes place. However, when WHY is clear, dramatic change can occur, sometimes even instantly and without resistance.
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| A repeated flaw in leadership is forgetting to focus on individual perspective. When leaders try to make a significant difference, they mostly make their appeal to the masses. Thus, they forget that lasting change of habits and patterns is highly personal. We don't change groups of people as much as we change individual behavior. Help one person see the picture and you're well on your way to actually improve an entire organization. |
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I witness both types of leaders every day and it's fairly easy to spot the difference between them. When leaders are personal and stick to individual follow up they are able to move large corporations. When they don't, they fail and fail miserably.
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Make a Big DifferenceSo if you want to make a big difference, at least three energies are indispensable to getting results. Each energy has a principle attached that guides our efforts in becoming a change agent among people: |
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(1) Ask WHY / WHAT
Action: Ignite Passion by going one-on-one => inner conviction.
Passion is the energy that makes a person unstoppable. It lights up when WHY and WHAT becomes clear. Ask yourself the simple but tough questions: "Why am I doing what I do?" and "What am I about?"
(2) Ask WHO
Action: Make the Connection by executing plans together => shared conviction.
Connection is the energy that bonds us and causes us to succeed together. It brings a spark to every meaningful relationship when it becomes clear WHO matters most to us. Ask yourself the simple but tough questions: "Who is most important to me?" or "Who will give their all to the same mission as I have?".
(3) Ask HOW
Action: Stimulate Intuition by allowing individual freedom => discovered conviction.
Intuition is the energy that brings out the best in us. It shows the way in much the same way as our conscience. Individual answers will come to each of us as we deeply ask ourselves "How should I do this?" or "How can I best apply my talents and my style to solve these challenges?".
The slogan of any sales training should be "More business with better clients". More business is not necessarily good business. You've probably heard it before.
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When sales people desperately want to succeed they tend to welcome any client into their sales funnel. Consequently, the pipeline is filled with an excess of bad business.
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When I was a young boy, I asked my father why he kept cutting down the different trees in our garden. In my mind, a big tree was a good tree. My father explained to me how a trimmed tree always lives longer and remains much more productive or fruitful. The same goes for sales and business!
Sales training is about getting back to basic. It's about focus. If training doesn't help you find which clients you want and HOW to do it, then training will only make you more busy doing what doesn't lead to profitable customers. Believe me, more business with poor clients, is not want you want.
To no other person is free enterprise so free as to the individual with sales skills coupled with a network of quality people.
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There's is nothing like a business professional!
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The essence of business development is creating win-win solutions. The only way to visualize and clarify win-win solutions effectively is by sharpening your sales skills. Why? Because sales skills is the WHAT, WHO and HOW to draw mental pictures of value in the mind of another person.
You may have great ideas about value creation (i.e. business), but your business plan comes alive only when you know how to execute it. Execution is helping people believe and work that plan. In other words: Selling!
Life will bring you dark moments. It hurts to go through them, but when you're proactive bright times will dominate your life and can in fact jumpstart your path to success. To a person in sales, with a lot of regular setbacks, this is an important lesson to be learned and can become a lifestyle that will make all the difference.
Yesterday was an awful day for me. Just terrible! In addition, I lost a major contract I expected to close. Everything I had scheduled was headed toward success.
However, not only did I fail miserably, but people and circumstances gave me clear feedback about mistakes I had made. If you're like me; I can live with failure because it's what success is all about, but making mistakes is ten times worse. It's personal and hurts more than failure.
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So I was feeling low!
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Did you ever find that when you look back on life, memories are mostly the happy ones. For some reason, most people tend to forget the dark moments, but savour the bright one's. In sum, all the happy moments appear to the mind as long and enduring bright times. (That's why we sometimes are inclined to think: "I used to be so happy, but now everything's so hard...")
So what can we learn from our ability to filter out the dark moments? How can this help us improve our lives on a daily basis?
Maintain Energy and Momentum
When you're experiencing a dark moment, accept it. Don't fight it. Strong and bad emotions are necessary opposites in a happy life. Let it pass by not making any serious or rash decisions. Close your mouth if you're tempted to take it out on the people around you. Listen more. Get involved in the lives of others and most importantly, retire early and let the body and mind rest it out.
Remember, late night moments are literally in the dark. If you retire early they will not last long. (During the night, your mind will be searching for answers and often find them, sometimes without you knowing it. Let the mind do the work for you.) In stead of extending the day - and the pain - by burning the midnight oil, rather choose to arise early and spend as much of your waking hours in the (day)light. It's a lifestyle that maintains your energy level and increases your momentum. The people around you will be surprised by your ability to get back up so soon after having taken such a serious beating, believe me!
Inevitably, dark moments will occur, however brief they might be, but bright times and feelings of happiness can and will dominate your life, now, not only in the past, if you want it to.
p.s. I'm well aware of chronic illnesses and serious depression, for which there certainly is no quick fix. What we're talking about here, though, is the tendency of any "healthy" person to sink into depression over matters that will evaporate if only you apply the principles outlined above.
Do you ever feel you're not in control? Let's put it this way: "You're not the only one". How do we know we've lost it and what can we do to regain control of our lives?
Not being in control really hurts. Here are some examples to help you discover when you've lost control:
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- When bills are hard(er) to pay (on time).
- When you sense that your mental, social emotional or physical health is declining faster than it should.
- When you know you're not doing what's most important and you just can't seem to get your head around to making that change.
- ...or when you're feeling poor and depressed and you just can't really tell why you sometimes feel that way.
Of course, there's no simple formula. If there was, we wouldn't be hurting in the first place. However, there's are a few principles that have greatly helped many people. You should know these principles. You deserve to know!
There's something else you might like to know about these principles, too: They're currently applied by the most balanced people you encounter in your life. On a sidenote, in the world of business these principles are literally worth millions of dollars, even though that's maybe not why you'd like to know, right now.
That Little Extra
Just for once, let me dive straight into HOW you could gain control, and then I'll just leave it to you to find out WHY you should. (After all, your WHY is ultimately something only you can answer.) On the first day of every week, revisit the following process:
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(1) Define your different roles (e.g. husband, father, employee...).
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Are you able to extract the principles behind why this is a process that really produces long term results? You'll find that these regular steps lead to one very important result: It's what I like to call "that little extra". Here's a real life example to illustrate.
| Some time ago one of my younger daughters paid me a thought provoking compliment: "Dad, you're really good at sitting in front of your laptop". Oh! that hurt me right to the center. Why? Because that's exactly the opposite of what I'd like her to say about me some time in the near future.
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What determines the rise and fall of man? Passion does. Passion is not just a tool in selling or influence. It's you! In fact, Passion is life itself. Passion is about what you open your heart to, and whatever you choose to let in will determine nothing less than the direction and outcome of your entire life.
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Maybe the most powerful feelings we ever experience is the sensation of Passion?
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else matters less, or even close to nothing. This Passion, however, is still something you can choose. Passion - one of your greatest assets in life - doesn't need to be accidental, and it shouldn't be. We should carefully consider why and for what we open our Passionate powers. Why? Because it may (and I believe it indeed will) determine the direction and outcome of our entire life.
Let's consider two basic principles of Passion from which we may extract a few simple rules, and which when applied will produce the success every trainer, manager or even parent wants to achieve:
(1) Passion Precedes Results
In a professional setting the majority of the work force is not passionate at all. If they were, you'd see dramatic improvement both in performance and learning, instantly!
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Before we do training, therefore, we assess the level of Passion in each individual team member by the use of a tool called "Passion Assessment". (We also make use of similar tools for "Connection Assessment" and "Intuition Assessment").
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itself. However, the long term results are of far greater concern. We have found that if team members' Passion from training remains for more than 21 days results naturally follow.
To make such a reality, team members need a burning WHY and WHAT to remain passionate. This makes all the difference!
RULE # 1: .Effective training includes at least 20% WHY and WHAT
(2) Passion Triggers Feelings
...and feelings are good. We want employees to be emotional about their work. The best employees are those who know how they feel and are able to both communicate and stay in control of their feelings in a balanced manner.
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The minute we start tapping into Passion an interesting thing frequently happens: Conflict comes out of the closet.
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RULE # 2: Start building trust by getting feelings out in the open first
So to summarize...
If you want to be successful - if you want to influence others - you have to be passionate about WHY you do WHAT you do. You have to exercise influence in such a way that others become passionate too, i.e. self-sufficient and without your constant help in the long run.
Passion is what will determine your rise or fall. It will be how you rise. It will be how you fall. The same goes for all the people around you. Passion is the beginning of success.
Greater influence brings you faster to where you want to go. Passion is the definitive first step to greater influence. To a greater or lesser degree Passion lies in every positive change you ever saw. How can you tell how much Passion you've got? It's something people keep asking me. That's why this time I'd like to highlight three traits of Passion that seem to surface in successful individuals.
Passion, Connection and Intuition are the three components of influence.
Since Passion is the beginning of influence - in fact, the world never saw success without it - why don't we take a closer look at the immediate side effects Passion has on us. It's a long list of positives, but the following three emerge as the most dominant characteristics:
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(1) UnstoppableThe right kind of Passion makes you unstoppable. Whereas average people easily get discouraged and resent rejection, passionate people are inspired by rejection and put forth an even greater effort. Thomas Alva Edison, the famous inventor, when asked about his many failed attempts to produce a working light bulb responded by saying: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." |
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"Sometimes you just gotta do whatever it is you do long enough..." There may not be anything wrong about what you're working to achieve. In fact, you may be on exactly the right path. However, time is required to prepare and mature the world around you to eventually receive and welcome what you can already see in your mind's eye, even though it's not a physical reality yet.
Passion will keep you going until you finally get the long desired thumbs up that your cause deserves. Edison pointed it out like this: "Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."
(2) The Real You
Passion will bring out the real you, for better or for worse. So tell me, what does a passionate person look like? Answer: Vibrant!
It usually is easier to love and adore someone that's passionate about something. They're even easier to communicate with, because they'll tend to have strong opinions. Their passion makes them come alive and it highlights how they are unique. Passion accentuates the talent inside people. Passion ignites their capacities in such a way that eyes start glowing and facial expressions display what can no longer be kept silently inside.
At this time we should also point out how Passion effectively drives away fear. Fear of being different, fear of being alone, fear of failure and maybe even the fear of fear itself, too.
(3) Spreading Effect
Passion triggers feelings in the people around us. We all know that passion or enthusiasm has the tendency to be contagious. However, let's remember that passion is much more than merely enthusiasm. We so easily think of passion as being "happiness". Passion is not a fast paced happy individual per se.
For instance, a passionate software developer does not necessarily move so much as a muscle and an officer in command may not be typified by a smiley face in the middle of a battle. Passion is energy that we can sense, but it reaches us in different ways. What we can be sure about is that (real) passion can be spotted in the surroundings of passionate people.
So what?
Would you like to be unstoppable? (Maybe not when it comes to being flat out stubborn. However, that's not what we're talking about here.) Would you like to become your best self? Would you like to have a positive effect on the people around you - excite them to action? I dare you: Find Passion and so many of your current challenges will slowly evaporate!
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