Albert Mehrabian's well-known research (1971) gave an indication of the relative importance of verbal, vocal and visual messages. What other factors are at play when seeking to influence the final outcome of an important decision?
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Red
The bottom layer in red represents the Operational Dialog. It deals with strategy and position. For instance, a clear purpose and strong position affects your attitude and perception of the world around you.
Blue
In turn, position gives relationships meaning and power, which is the second and blue layer. The Opinional Dialog is where feelings can be shared without risk and restrictions.
Green
Likewise, only when position and relationships are in place will the technicalities of the top layer - the Optimal Dialog - really have the desired effect.
To get results
Most sales training aims at the top level of the influence pyramid. In other words, people receive their training without even a basic understanding of the power behind the two preceding layers. Our training and research seems to support a) the importance of paying equal attention to each layer and b) that traditional training only works when done in this order.
Influence is mastering communication on all three levels. That's why most sales training frequently has little effect on performance and results.
It's not really a big secret. I've seen people work a lot harder for a little recognition than for bonuses and money. And get this, money doesn't always motivate, but recognition - when given the right way - is a sure winner. On a scale from 1 to 10, recognition may not be a 10, but it clearly scores higher and more accurately than monetary rewards. Where does that leave us?
Last week I asked: Is recognition from others important? The poll quickly returned 43 responses, giving us the following statistics:
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The outcome was in fact highly predictable. In round numbers, only 13% believe it's "not critical" and 4% believe it's "not important". However, I was anxious to know more about the group of people who believe recognition does matter. What I wanted to test was: How many are maybe "cynically" inclined to consider recognition as merely a tool to increase performance, getting what they want from others..? as opposed to, how many actually acknowledge our deep need for recognition as humans?
Recognition is not just what you say
Recognition only comes across when it's sincere - everybody knows that - quite intuitively so. When trust is low, talk's cheap. What you say has no real power. However, what logically follows, most people tend to forget; recognition is not so much what you say, but ten times doubly more so what you behave. And what messages do we pass on through our behavior? You're right again - it's emotional - what we truly feel inside is what comes across. What does this mean?
Recognition is not how they feel, but how you feel
It means, when we feel good about someone, we automatically behave in such a way that those positive feelings are conveyed to that other person. Whatever you decide to call it - body language, atmosphere, chemistry... The question isn't "how can I help that other person feel good about him or herself". It's completely the other way around: "How can I feel good about that person, in such a way that I will communicate on the subliminal level messages that support what that person already perceives about him or herself; that he or she is a valuable person with great talents and abilities"? In short, how can I work with my own feelings to be filled with postive emotions toward that particular person?
Recognition strikes when it underscores a positive self image
To obtain such a required change (and really - it's the only way), we need to be sensitive to how the other person perceives him or herself - to see and understand their world. It's not logical, it's psychological. We need to interpret people more correctly, i.e. see their behavior and performance from their point of view.
You see, that's what recognition is. Recognition is not you telling them something they didn't know. No, recognition is finding in others what they long before recognized about themselves already. That need to be recognized by someone else for who they believe they are and what they are truly capable of is the reassurance they seek in others to prove to themselves that they were right about "the I am" all along. All people have kind of an internal struggle and conversation going on inside, saying "I'm good, I'm great, I can do this..." When their surroundings agree with what they believe about themselves, then it must be true... and behavior to prove it follows. That's when recognition hits home; when people not only pick up your positive message, but when they actually believe in it themselves.
We need to help answer the deepest questions that are most important to people: Whether they matter, whether or not they are important and give them reassurance that they are valuable, that they have purpose and that they can make a difference. If you do that, then people will love and respect you. That's when you release energy in such a way that performance outperforms what the critics thought was impossible.
My hope is that managers and leaders of businesses will not only artificially supply their employees and colleagues with insincere compliments, but that they will understand the deep needs that they can fulfill in others. Recognition is not just a compliment - recognition not only can make a big difference in performance. Recognition can make a difference for life!
...or better yet: How important is it to be recognized by someone senior to yourself? It could be your parents, your boss, someone you admire, a renowned expert, in the media, on the web or simply by a crowd of people that knows who you are and with whom you spend much of your time?
That's what this quick poll is about. Provided you're a LinkedIn user already, this will only take three clicks to respond to.
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See what others have said about the importance of recognition and check if your respons is in line with the majority of people "out there".
Are you a successful person? That might be a difficult question to answer, and our response may vary depending on what we have in mind, too. At times we all like to think that we're successful. However, when we're at a low point, and everybody hits rock bottom sometimes, we may feel like failures. What is the true measure of success?
Success can be measured in many ways. Yet, if we are to go to the heart of the matter, it's really not that difficult. Success lies in people. Other people. Of course we can be successful as an individual, but essential to any success is our relationship with and dependence - or rather interdependence - on other people.
If other people is the deciding factor of success, then sooner or later we need to understand two most basic facts: 1) Each person is unique. Success is built one person at a time. 2) People require constant effort. We may have a great relationship with someone, but unless we respect and nurture the connection, the relationship will quickly deteriorate and become counterproductive and hurtful.
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When I do training I always find one of the most rewarding moments when people begin to realize the power of one-on-one. In fact, I try not to highlight our company name too forcefully when in a training seesion. Why? Because, at a certain point during interaction, someone inevitably says something like this: "So what you're saying is - influencing one person at a time is much more effective than trying to convince two or more at the same time?" That's when it's fun to remind them of our company name.
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The following quote is so fitting in this respect:
It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses. (Dag Hammarskjold, Past Secretary-General of the UN - quoted by Stephen R. Covey.)
When we concentrate on individuals we have a real chance of practicing long lasting influence. It is when true influence reaches one person at a time that the masses are set in motion through the ripple effect of "the one-on-one principle". One-on-one is the true measure of success!
I can tell you what your problem is...
Whatever challenge you face, it begins and ends with your degree of influence. When you fail it is because you are not quite as influential as you need to be. On the other hand, when you succeed it is because you exercised influence to such a degree that things fell into place. There's really nothing more to be said. Influence is what it's all about!
So what is influence and how do you get it, or rather, how do you exercise and increase it?
Of course, there's no simple answer to this paramount question. Yet, there is a lot be learned and when we understand some basic principles, influence may dramatically increase and help us accomplish great results. First, it's important to see how influence operates on three levels:
- Personal
- Personal influence (i.e. productive ability) results in private victories.
- Interpersonal
- Interpersonal influence (i.e. persuasive ability) results in public victories.
- Intergenerational (or systematical)
- Intergenerational influence (i.e. sensitive ability) results in historic and permanent victories (breaking with old patterns.)
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1) We usually tend to quite easily class them as either heroes or traitors. 2) Not all heroes are recognized by the masses, but they each have a faithful following.
Lessons to be learned..? All influence represents the sowing of a seed and eventually the fruits are judged by those who witness them as either good or bad. Also, not all good influence is recognized by many, but they always affect a growing awareness by those who enjoy the fruits.
Note: If intergenerational influence, the highest form of influence, is anything remotely close to success - the real and lasting success of life - then success may not be what you initially think it is.
For this reason we provide our fast growing community with an understanding of the 3 Energies to:
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help you more successfully reach others with a message
...when selling, influencing, negotiating, mediating, counseling - in short, effective influence in every setting.
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avoid quick-fix techniques and manipulation
Since it's possible and tempting to abuse (persuasive) power we help influential people to understand that true and lasting - long term - persuasion, indeed conviction, is dependent on applying correct principles.
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bring structure to all existing sales models and theories to get to action
Thousands of books and hundreds of sales models can each increase performance, but with the big picture in place we visualize and clarify actionable principles. Theory is nothing! Action is everything! But power to execute does, however, come from healthy and sound theory.
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leverage excellence by liberating individual and collective talent
The most frightening loss in sales people is the lack of personal talent and energy. What does it take to remove the barriers that keep individuals and teams from blossoming and bring out what they already have inside?
Conclusion
The highest form of influence is filled with purpose and consequently is the most rewarding and fulfilling kind of interaction. The most powerful influence always enters the scene when we work on the highest and third level:
Just like when children doing their chores are building a character more than doing whatever else they do, everything we do can have a higher, more rewarding purpose and lasting effect. Ask yourself: How can I influence others to achieve a more honorable objective? How can we influence influential people by not just selling to make a living, but mastering influence to make a life ...one person at a time?
Influence is energy. In turn, energy can be divided into three different kinds. The 3E blog is about The 3 Energies which explain the one thing that really matters - INFLUENCE.
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